Ten Years of LOVE!

July 2001 - JahCai n Mommy

At 10:15 a.m. on March 31st, 2011 I will be the proud mother of 10 year old JahCai Lerone, my greatest success!

At 19, I didn't know I was pregnant but I gave birth to a handsome, smart and gentle little  boy who now is entering his pre-teen years with mommy biting her nails. Though he has not reached the same milestones that your ordinary 10 year old has, he is becoming a very polite, incredibly patient young man who I am over proud to call my son.

I know that for a young mother, one is often faced with challenges that aren't in the book. I was faced with the challenge that I may never get to move away from JahCai, I will always have to be his mommy. His intellectual IQ is not that of even a three year old, BUT he definitely acts as though he is ten and can and will accomplish every task set forth.
In ten years I have to take credit for bringing up a real black boy AND I didn't hate his father, i actually pittied him at first. How dare he not take interest in our child? How dare he act like he can't be a part of him. But thank GOD he did, JahCai is better for it. His daddy and I tried so hard to make sure that he accepted life and life didn't just accept him. We always wanted him to know that no matter what he is who he is and if people can't accept that, then they should and can move on.

February 2011 JahCai n Aminah

I realize today, ten years after he is birthed, named and blessed, I am JahCai's mommy. I have always been his mommy, our paths NEVER strayed from one another, they always connected in my dreams before he was even thought of and in my prayers as I felt his heart beat next to mine. Ten years is a long time, even longer for those who don't have a chance to get to know their children.

Kiss your babies and tell them no matter what they are special to you. When you push, don't apologize, push harder so they know that you are behind them all the way. When you spank, don't cry, let every tear remind you how much you need your child to be better than you. When you give up, Don't! Look at their faces and remember their purpose for you and your purpose for them.

Grew up?

So I sit daily and wonder what this life is supposed to bring. But often I find that I am given what I am supposed to have and that being blessed comes with it's downfalls.

My life to date hasn't been a silver platter, silver spoon or any of the like, Life for me has been difficult, confusing and misunderstood. I am entering another year in my life when I ask myself what do I d with myself an the answer is never different, it just screams that I need to do something.

I always wanted to be some one but it just seems that I was just put here to help others get higher. But I realized that within five years time I wanted to be some thing some one that my kids could look up to, and want to be like. But then I asked if this was the real plan, what GOD set forth for me, and I couldn't answer.

Growing up I always knew we would be a couple, I just didn't know to what capacity. Marc I love him, I am with him, I am finding that I just don't understand him. He's very clear about what he says however his actions confuse the heck out of me, but then am I supposed to not ask and then the helping part of me would it be empty? I don't know this guy isn't like the rest, he actually does everything that I don't do, which really works out for many but for me that is just not it, you ask what can and will make him happy, he says to have money. well where the hell am i supposed to pull that out of with 4 kids and 15.50 an hour? I guess it will have to be from my rib like Eve from Adam.

I don't know life is good, you try to do it all, you live, you learn and you try and that's what I continue to do. I plan on reentreing school for what I don't know, my ultimate goal is to become a nurse. Maybe tomorrow my cloudy vision and unclear perception will be clear and life will show what it is supposed to be.

The Trend Of Irresponsibility Amoung Black Mother's, What made you different?

So ... this is just a blog site.

And you are just readers, my audience of peers. So now I ask myself, is this what I am supposed to do. Yes, I am supposed to do. Why? because NO ONE ELSE HAS THE BALLS.

Ok with that off my chest ... May I begin at the beginning? In my experience the mother, woman of the family is often the rock, the stone, the tone that keep everyone grounded and level. SO why lately am I seeing a growing trend of women (black, these are the ones that I know) giving up their children? Not at birth, Not even in the early stages, at about 10 years old (the average) I see that more black mothers are not "fit" for the position of mother.

So when did this occur? When it was when you first find out that you were pregnant? No ....
Was it when he told you he was leaving for some one or some thing else? No ...
Maybe it was when you realized that you could do better without the child? No ...

This happened a long time before you even thought of having children. This occurred when your mother, like her mother followed a growing cycle that affects the black community here in the United States. This occurred when you decided that you didn't want to continue to be responsible, you wanted to settle for what was thrown at you. This occurred when you gave up.

YEAH  I said it, now prove me wrong. Black females that I know and don't know have been giving up their children to their natural fathers and saying "you deal with it" instead of "I need help" we are taking all responsibility and putting it back on the man who helped conceive lil miss or lil sir, right? But is it right?

Being in this situation makes you take a step back and see it for what it's really worth. Most women would give up their kids for two weeks max without any problem, but they all will fight to get them back every moment. I have been presented with some very ugly, spiteful black women who actually would rather fight with the father, go to court and argue than to just ask for help. And the ones with All hands on deck with help are the ones throwing the kids far far away.

I met another baby this weekend, he's 8 and he is like Lijah and Avah, displaced from his mother, because she had "to get it together". Ladies what are you teaching you children? That you can just throw kids away when need be? Or that you are and were too selfish to see that the person trying to help you is the person you are trying to hurt. Last I checked, you made a child with some one, you raise them regardless of how you feel bout the other half the chromosomes.

For all comments - please note I am on BOTH sides of the spectrum and it's not pretty either way.

Now what makes me different, why do I feel I can say something? #1 I had my son at 19 years of age, had no idea what a developmental delay was until he reached 15 months old and to date I struggle with blaming myself for his "misfortunes" but wait there's more. Early on, his father was there until he decided that being a coward was better than being a father. Since, though, I have tried to include him and he wants nothing to do with him.

Then I look at my better half who is on the receiving end of an un greased pole. We lived within proximity to them and we could call anytime and he couldn't see or talk to them when SHE felt like it. Then we decided to move and now it's too far away SHE can't handle them, but yet they are here and you don't call daily to tell them it's not their fault. Instead you act like you're the victim and hey maybe you were but there are kids involved, you will never be a victim unless the crime is commited against you, they're victims of selfishness.

Who knows maybe I'm speaking out of anger and then again, this is all from my heart, what I see those kids go through. ALL of them not just the displaced, but the ones that love us all no matter what. The ones that have a mom who needed a break but never got one and yet she still is standing tall with or without you. She was pregnant with child #4 and had all 3 yes even the Austist, at home with no problems and any minor problem the response was always, "I can't handle this". But Thanks! No hard feelings, just let me know when that pity party ends ladies and where the thought and want for a healthy mind and soul for your children begins. Mine began when they were first discovered. When will you discover it's not about you and it will never be again? It's about those babies who want and need a real mother some one to lay a real foundation.

But I guess when you are just a pebble and not a true stone. They end up "kicking rocks" instead of collecting them.... any comments, questions solutions, I'm all ears.

Cai's his name Love's his game

I have been really trying to understand what GOD wants from us all and today I say it's just not for me to understand. I understand that I am human but I would like to know my purpose, why am I here.

I know a boy who probably asks this question every time some one speaks to him because he can not communicate back. I know a boy who smiles, laughs and cries because he can and that is the  only form of expression he knows.

I know a boy he's just a little black boy, with a heart and feelings. I know this little boy because he is my boy. Nine years ago you couldn't tell me my child was not happy, loved and wanted. You can't tell me that today because I know what he is ... he is JahCai. Born to me on March 31st, 2001 at 10:15 a.m. (funny how every mother remembers that time) he is perfect, my guardian angel, my love my first born, my favorite kid in the world.

GOD gave me the gift of raising some one with a disability, I never recognized it as a gift until i started to embrace it instead of running. I think I ran not from my son but from the fear of failure, that he wouldn't be like everybody else, he wouldn't grow to his potential. It clicked one day, if he was like everyone else we wouldn't like him, he wouldn't be unique and stand out. WE the adults had to recognize that we were embracing fear.

I write to ease a lot of pain and guilt I have inside. Pain because so much has happened in such a short time, I'm not sure at times if it's at all necessary. I felt guilty until some one told me, it, his illness, wasn't my fault. This person told me that being born was a privilege to a woman and that I got the best gift a child who knows only how to LOVE unconditionally. He hasn't been taught hate, he hasn't been taught to deal with his world, the world has to learn to LOVE and learn to deal with him in their world.

He's coming but the question remains are we ready?

As They Enter Their First Decade of Life

We made it through a week, the first week of school being a true blended family. Everyone excited and tired and concerned that they will make friends and let their minds soar.

We are young parents, Marc and I not the traditionally mommy and daddy, but we have all the love of the traditional and then some.  Last year this time he had taken a job in South Carolina and I was newly pregnant with our youngest, his heart hurt and my belly was getting big, but nothing could prepare us for being a true blended family.

On Sunday night, the clothes are ironed they all are running around the house, I'm packing bags and breastfeeding lil mama and I sit back and look and say, Dang girl, when you were 10 you didn't even want this, and now that you have you been blessed with it, are you grateful enough? I said it to myself to remin myself to be humble, know that they appreciate everything you have done for them. Know that they love you too, even though you aren't their "real mommy". Know that your Autist loves and knows your every feeling and even when he's not watching he's watching, learning and growing.

It was at that moment my faith was restored and I found what I had been looking for, a family, a whole family and we LOVED IT! We have created the most beautiful people we know, not because they come from us, because the experiences that they have will create these beauties. My kids, no not goats, my children. They have no idea what they do to us, they make us feel so vulnerable and yet so strong, I envy them, their energy, their will to defy the adult in me hehe.

All in all we survived a week, the first week of school, we made some friends, had some laughs and then realized that they grew up. Their first decade is almost complete, I wonder what their books will read what stories they will tell to their children when they begin school. Life hands you all sorts of things, I just roll with the things that have been handed and smile.

We love you Nyavah, JahCai and Elijah! We know your first week was successful, let's make the rest of the year the best we ever had!