Grew up?

So I sit daily and wonder what this life is supposed to bring. But often I find that I am given what I am supposed to have and that being blessed comes with it's downfalls.

My life to date hasn't been a silver platter, silver spoon or any of the like, Life for me has been difficult, confusing and misunderstood. I am entering another year in my life when I ask myself what do I d with myself an the answer is never different, it just screams that I need to do something.

I always wanted to be some one but it just seems that I was just put here to help others get higher. But I realized that within five years time I wanted to be some thing some one that my kids could look up to, and want to be like. But then I asked if this was the real plan, what GOD set forth for me, and I couldn't answer.

Growing up I always knew we would be a couple, I just didn't know to what capacity. Marc I love him, I am with him, I am finding that I just don't understand him. He's very clear about what he says however his actions confuse the heck out of me, but then am I supposed to not ask and then the helping part of me would it be empty? I don't know this guy isn't like the rest, he actually does everything that I don't do, which really works out for many but for me that is just not it, you ask what can and will make him happy, he says to have money. well where the hell am i supposed to pull that out of with 4 kids and 15.50 an hour? I guess it will have to be from my rib like Eve from Adam.

I don't know life is good, you try to do it all, you live, you learn and you try and that's what I continue to do. I plan on reentreing school for what I don't know, my ultimate goal is to become a nurse. Maybe tomorrow my cloudy vision and unclear perception will be clear and life will show what it is supposed to be.